Reality for $1000 Alex.

I have been on a body recomposition journey since May 2024. My weight changed a lot in the first year. Basically, in year ,2 things have slowed down on the scale, but my clothes are still getting bigger. It's not magic, but more fat loss and muscle gain. Which is pretty awesome and not something I ever thought I would agree to. The process can be a mindfuck, but I have trusted it and my friends who are my guides through all of it.

With all of that said, it led me to become aware of something called “Vanity Sizing”.

There was a day I was in Old Navy, and I texted a group chat I am in with some GFs from when I lived in the Midwest, asking, “What’s the reality of their sizes here?”. I had just pulled on a size 14 and it fit perfectly. BUT is this really a size 14? I only let myself get excited a smidge, knowing every store now likes to mess with us, leading me to believe they go by their own measurement system and mess with everyone’s heads. The same thing happened to me this past weekend in Sierra (and about 1.5 months after this Old Navy incident), where I tried on a size 12 for the hell of it, and it fit. But again, questioning what is real? I do not think we can rely on logic or reality anymore with this, and unfortunately, conform to what companies are doing to us, or just go to Little House on the Prairie and break out my nonexistent sewing machine.

Cue hearing about vanity sizing. “Vanity sizing is the retail practice of labeling clothing with smaller size numbers than their actual measurements to boost consumer self-esteem and encourage purchases”. This does NOT boost my self-esteem. This really causes frustration that I can’t just go into any store and buy my size and walk out anymore. Researching this more, a size 10 nowadays was a size 14 in the 80’s. It is not a retail store’s job to enhance my self-esteem; it’s my own job to do that. Shit, my therapist helps enhance it every 2 weeks. What happened to positive role models raising you and supporting you, or helping you cope if you aren’t the size you want to be?

Granted, growing up, I was told things like “If you weren’t so fat, you could fit into cuter clothes,” so I had to figure this self-esteem thing out on my own and become comfortable in my own skin after a long mental and physical health journey, but here I am. I guess I am one of the lucky ones who, through self-work and therapy, came out on the other side, not needing society to coddle my body issues, while making money off my vulnerabilities.

Thinking about my negative experience and verbal comments from my own mother, maybe thats the why and how this “Vanity Sizing” system came to exist. But do I think it’s healthy? Hell no. I love the trends of body acceptance I see in society, but not this manipulation of convincing girls and women they are a number, they aren’t. Am I wrong in thinking the positive body movement is really positive? Does it still exist? I will fall down that rabbit hole next (coming soon…)

As I talk to more and more women about how their bodies were talked about growing up, it was basically the same as my own mother’s attitude. Her own negative feelings about her body image were unconsciously projected onto me. Comments about calories and never-ending diets, and horrific clothes shopping experiences, causing me to equate fat = ugly. I am not sure if shes ever learned to appreciate all her body does for her or her physical appearance, as she still is chasing after “losing weight”.

If this body recomp thing has taught me anything, it is that there is no real meaning in numbers. For me, it has become how I FEEL. I have learned to listen to my body. I know instantly if something is off. When I do not listen to my body theres sometimes consequences, and well, I can feel like shit mentally or physically. I trust my tribe when they notice things before I do and consider their suggestions.

Doing the mental work, alongside the physical, is necessary and works if you chip away at it. Point being, corporate America can try its best to gaslight and fool people into feeling good about “sizes” but it really should come from within. Everyone out there,- we need to teach this lesson and lead by example. How we talk about our bodies needs to include more love, gratitude, and positivity.

I am a work in progress with this. Sometimes its a day by day, minute by minute thing. But remember step #1, is awareness.

Be well friends.