Thoughts on my big 72.

Pain is temporary

I have sat down to write this a few times now since being back from a 72 mile week long adventure on the Appalachian Trail.

I have been reflecting on how I have felt before, during and after this journey. I did not have many expectations but to do the damn thing because I really didnt know what walking 72 miles continuously for 7 days would be like. Secondly i had no expectations because i feel they only create disappointments. I wanted to be in the moment. I wanted to feel the mental pain to draw me to the end. I had never committed to do anything like this before, and I am not going to lie, I would do it again.

As the miles went on I felt physical soreness throughout my body and mental and body tired. It rained for 2 straight days and my feet had never been so water logged. My husband said i was border line trench foot after I got home (which sounds like a creepy disease to me, but i have overcome blisters and shit, and the skin that has now been replaced with new skin).

I appreciate the 9 months I took to train for this or I may have been off the trail sooner than later. As I did slow down some over the 7 days, it was mostly due to tiredness, catching dehydration about to hit and treating it fast, hunger or thinking things out in the moment. I was with others who were also in their heads and feeling their feels, but I decided early on to choose me and not let their emotional depth consume me, wanting to help soothe them. I shared my empathy to them, but I had to compartmentalize to stay focused on the task at hand.

In the rain I slipped many times, bruising my arms and legs and cutting my leg open. My shoes that I thought were slip proof weren’t. I began to see my “preparation” was not as in depth as it should have been before this journey. Although, making it the entire trip, i learned many lessons that I will take with me on my backpacking career to be more comfortable and safe. This is no ones fault but my own. Reflecting back now, I know what I would have done differently but cannot focus on that, I can only control the future and how I will show up next time.

At the end of the time, any pain was temporary, mental and physical. I had a few moments of ugly cries when weird memories popped into my head out of no where. I am still processing some random stuff that came up as I walked through the quietness, but I will save talking about that for therapy.

Its still sinking in, I did it. After 9 months of talking about it, training for it, walking the miles during.

I think it was about day 3, my shoulder hurt from falling in the rain. I teared up as I continued on. I began to think about the weight on my back I was holding, I started comparing it to the emotional weight we CHOOSE to carry. We have a choice. If we can decide to let go of the pain, why do we hold on to it just like the 30 pound backpack I had on for 7 days? I sat on a rock and released my backpack, feeling instant relief from the back pain I was feeling. Its okay friends, to give yourself grace, feel the breeze and joy life can give you.

How much of our lives, do we walk around with unnecessary weight on our hearts and bodies? The memories that came up for me from my childhood, forced me to close doors in my heart I would say until my 20’s and I continued to chose to carry weight until I realized I needed to take control of my mental health.

I think three take away words for this trip would be humility, grace and resilience.

I will continue on maybe later, but for now thats, that.